Sunday, February 3, 2013

Visdare #5: Obscure

This story is written for Angela Goff's VisDare#5

I'm letting go of the Charlie and Joe series simply because I did not get much feedback as I've had in other of my stories, and I seem to get better responses when my stories stay in the dark range. If I get a few more comment on that series (all I need is one), I may bring it back--just letting you know. =)

VisDare rules: Follow the photo prompt with the given word and write a story under 150 words.

Kindred Souls

"It's getting worse isn't it?"

Louisa caught the familiar shadow embedded at the corner of the cellar, void of any definite form. "Everything's fine."

"And how long will it be before you face the truth?"

"He still loves me," Louisa said.

"You call that love?"

"I don't need to explain myself to imaginary people." Louisa said defensively.

"I am as real as the bruises on your face," the shadow expanded.

"I don't wanna talk about it anymore!" Louisa snapped. "Besides, it's none of your business!"

"But it is," the shadow contracted then shrunk again.

Louisa gasped as the shadow took gradual form. When the silk-like diaphanous layer that shrouded the ghostly woman faded, a face that was as visible as Louisa's marks was revealed.

"What happens to you," the woman told Louisa, moving her hand away from her cheek, exposing bruises of her own. "Also happens to me."

150 Words


  1. Wonderful dialogue and atmosphere set, though a different way of saying mystery woman may make the second last sentence flow better.

    1. Thanks for pointing that out and I appreciate the comment!

  2. Love the dialogue-with-self angle. Nice twist, great building up of internal tension/conflict. Almost a darkly spun Dorian Gray-esque tale, where the shadow takes on the same injuries, forces the sufferer to acknowledge the pain they're carrying. Love this snippet for so many reasons. Well crafted!